the pitter patter of little feet

 My little ladybug almost took a couple of  "solo" steps today.  She started to & then realized that she wasn't holding onto anyone or anything & quickly grabbed my leg.  She had a huge grin on her face & was babbling at me while pointing her adorable, chubby little finger... as if to say "Hey Mommy.. did you see what a big girl I am?!".  She certainly isn't my bitty little ladybug anymore.. how quickly those precious itty bitty baby days went by.  I smiled down at her & told her that I was proud of her & we all clapped for her, too. 

Some good friends of ours at church announced this week that they are now expecting Baby #4!  (which is somewhat interesting since they had said that they weren't having anymore kiddos when we were all discussing the subject this time last year).  Anyway.. I am really happy for them & praying that all will go well her pregnancy.  She & I were pregnant together back in 2002 when I lost my son, Elijah(& another little one in February of 2003, t00)... in fact my due date with Elijah was supposed to be on my birthday and just 2 weeks ahead of when she was due to have her second ladybug.  We've been through a great deal in our friendship when it comes to the pregnancy thing...  it was hard to watch her go through her pregnancy with no issues at all after having lost my babies.  I will never forget how hard it was to hold back tears when I held her little ladybug the first time... very bittersweet. 

I will also admit to a twinge of jealousy when I heard their news, too..  knowing that my husband doesn't want any more kiddos & that we couldn't afford to add any more little ones unless we were to win really big playing the lottery.  Honestly though.. if things were a lot different financially (& I could convince my husband), I would have another baby in a heartbeat.. well, I would wait until my little ladybug was a little bit older.  

It hurts to know that my husband isn't hip to the idea of any more little ones---even if we were to win the lottery.. but I guess (like a lot of other things in my life) I just need to get over it & not think about the subject anymore.  Unfortunately, it seems that I am entering another "season" of parenting..  whether I am ready to give up those precious itty bitty baby days.