Tuesday, June 24, 2008

feeling a wee bit better(while riding our roller coaster)...

Although I didn't sleep well last night & I woke up with very little voice and a lovely hacking cough... by mid-day, I was starting to feel a lot better(physically at least). 

Anyone who says &/or thinks that marriage is an easy rose petal strewn walk into the sunset is smokin' something!  Today ended up being one of those days that seem like my husband & I have been married for a lot longer than the 11 years that we are getting ready to "celebrate" next month.  Communication & finances(which are usually the  major factors) were the crux of what upset our apple cart this afternoon.  Maybe someday things will be less roller coaster-ish in our little corner of the world.

Don't get me wrong, I love him with all my heart... and would never in a million, billion years do anything to hurt him.. but there are days when I still have to vent a bit!  ;)  

I think that sometimes people that we know think that my husband must make a lot of money for us to be able to afford for me to stay home with our kids, well... not to burst any bubbles, but.. that isn't the case.  My husband works hard and has been with the same company coming up on 11 years next month(he started there 2 days after we got married).  We made the decision for me to stay home with the kids when we were first talking about having children.. we felt that it was really important to make that financial sacrifice.  The cost of everything is going up, up, up these days & there are now 5 of us on his income(which unfortunately hasn't gone up!), to say that money is tight is an understatement.  (semi-side note.. we also have one vehicle & my husband carpools with someone who works near where he does).

I get frustrated, discouraged and depressed thinking about how we're going to make ends meet every month. God has always provided for us though... I keep having to remind myself of that lately, though.

I must admit to being incredibly tired of hearing folks at church talking about their big vacation plans and the new stuff that they are doing to their homes & what not... I keep my mouth shut & my feelings bottled up, but sometimes I just feel like screaming "IT'S NOT FAIR!!!".  (I know.. real mature, but I am being honest & sometimes I seriously feel that way).   

If only that blasted Prize Patrol van would quit getting lost on the way to my house!!  I have big plans if we were ever blessed enough to win the $10 million from PCH... lots of wonderful, noble causes to support and people to help... only a handful of things that I would do for me--seriously, I always put everyone else in front of me(unfortunately, I am usually too tired to do anything for myself because I've helped everyone else). Also interesting(at least to me) that all those folks that I always put first & bend over backwards to help never seem to reciprocate.  I suppose that is a commentary on our society.

Well, it's off to bed for me after I check on the kittens in the basement.  Hopefully I can get some good, relaxing sleep tonight... I'm exhausted physically and emotionally.  In the wonderful words of Annie.. "The sun will come out tomorrow!" (sure hope so.. cuz I am tired of the monsoons!).


SAHM I am said...

You guys (you especially) are in my prayers. I really do hope things get better quickly. If I win the lottery you will have no worries.

Mighty Morphin' Mama said...

Thanks for coming by my blog and letting me know that you are reading. We sure are going down a similar path. Marriage is NOT easy, and I sometimes wish I could smoke somethin' to make it look prettier;)We are having financial struggles too,and you know, life. ahh.
Thank God that God is there, and can cover over any difficulty or misstep. I will be thinking of you and I will make sure to come by again.